Head hit the pillow with the weight of the world,
woke up in Eden like I'm shooting the curl.
Another broke promise, another soft lie,
The harder I struggle, the harder I try.

I'm jumpin' a boxcar with a dream and a pack,
headed for somewhere and I ain't comin back.
I swam in the darkness, I flew in the light,
Pondered a vision that never took flight.

With all the dying years I scream,
That I got everything I need.
In all the shifting tides of time,
a love, a purpose I will find.

Search the world from wherever you're found,
head in the heavens and feet on the ground.
Tomorrow proves a fickle beast,
on indecision time will feast,
As long as we awake to sun
a lesson learned, a battle won

The gates of hell await us all,
to envelope our graceless fall.
Once devoured blind in truth,
under vice's spell, aloof.
Broke beneath A crushing weight,
with chin on fist I contemplate.
Gnashing teeth in seething pain,
tearing clothes to ascertain.
Sweet relief in Love divine,
A cursed blessing old as time.

Wishes

Are you depressed,
sick, tired, worn out and stressed?
Have you no place to go and capture some rest.

This world can eat you alive if you let it,
but I ain't got time for that so forget it.

Do the covers not keep you warm where you lie,
is the no one to dry your tears when you cry?
When you are hungry where do you go for a meal?
I bet it ain't far, and you ain't gotta steal.

Sure the world has become a fucked up place,
full of deceit, trickery, anger and haste.
What good is moaning to the leaves in the fall,
you can't stop them from falling can't change nothing at all.

See, we all want to orchestrate this perfect utopia,
the more you play director, the more I lose hope for ya.
What makes one man smile is sure to make another sad,
We don't know what we've got till we've lost all we had.

This world can eat you alive if you let it,
but I ain't got time for that so forget it.

I cried yesterday for what I laugh at today.
How big of a role do your emotions play,
when it come to the way things really are.
Are you driving a lemon or riding a star?

One day you had a feast for a king,
you threw up your nose and touched not a thing.
The next time I saw you was more of the same,
Tomorrow you'll be eating a hot dog and placing the blame.

People been known to get real down,
all our expressions replaced with a frown.
We use therapists, pills, unhealthy vices,
to add a little flavor to a life without spices.

This world can eat you alive if you let it,
but I ain't got time for that so forget it.

That fact that emotions they come and they go,
let's me know they can't be trusted to decide what I know.
Decide you own personal truths, however inconvenient,
act accordingly and hope God will be lenient.

When it comes down to the sheer fact of it all,
who you are supposed to be is nobody's call.
We can all be hypocrites in some way, shape, or form,
we ultimately do what we want there is no norm.

If only people would do as we pleased,
we wouldn't have to spend so much time on our knees.
Praying for other to change as we'd like,
left cradling disappointment when it doesn't end right.

This world can eat you alive if you let it,
but I ain't got time for that so forget it.

I wish I could leave you with the answers we seek,
I wish I could instill power to the weak.
I wish that tomorrow things aren't so bleak,
I wish that all you ever wanted, you get it.
This world can eat you alive if you let it.

An Honest Appraisal

I have spent most of my life making payments toward complacency through drugs and alcohol. The life of my childhood that provided my last truly happy moments has left me like a disgusted lover, while I was lost in a host of mind altering chemicals. As I crawl out from what I now view to be a pretty shameful decade, I realize I have nothing. The only thing more terrifying than the pain of yesterday is the uncertainty of tomorrow. I stand, feeling completely alone. at a point where tomorrow can be whatever I want it to be. In spite of this, I have so little faith in myself to succeed that I feel I might as well just give up now. When I wake up in the morning I get on my knees and pray for something better. I pray for the strength to be someone who can shine brightly on the lives of those around him. People always tell me what a good person I am, what a good heart I have. This is the only way I know how to be, but to be honest, I feel all it has ever gotten me is shit upon. Girls, employers, you name it, have all taken advantage of this supposedly positive quality and turned it into some real bad days for yours truly. In the midst of my despair I am afforded the clarity of thought to realize I can no longer deal with these feelings in the way I always have. I can no longer swallow, sniff, smoke and shoot them away. We all know where that leads for me, and in truth it stopped working a while ago anyway. So I fill my days with activities that I should enjoy but don't, in hopes that when my mind settles upon me once again I will see something more in myself. I don't yet. I try not to be ungrateful for the gifts I have, I'd like to use them to someones benefit if not my own. The things that I let define me for so long no longer exist to me and I am finding, to my horror, that I am no one. I anxiously wonder, contemplating on which wall I'd like to scribe my future and with which media I should write. Endless potential can be a curse to the indecisive. My limbs feel weighted by my limitations. The people and things I involuntarily wake up yearning for, the objects of my obsession, are the very things that have hurt me so much in my past. I hate myself for still wanting them. It is truly difficult when your own thoughts are not trustworthy and blind faith is the only promising solution. I am fortunate to know that this loneliness I feel is a figment of a broken self image, but with this realization comes guilt that I cannot deliver the person my supporters are cheering for. Only a scared shell of a human being, impatiently fighting to get through another day doing the right thing. I have lied to myself for so long that I don't even buy my bullshit anymore, I have banished all my co-signers to their respective vices. What I am left with is nothing but, what I feel to be, pure truth. It is enough to drive me to drink, funny how that works isn't it?

Ungreatful Heart

You know what it's like,
when feelings betray truth?
It's like thinking you'll stay dry,
in a house with no roof.

I got nothing but promise,
or so they tell me today.
So then why do I feel,
I should drink it away?

I once thought I had,
that which I wanted most.
And now that I've lost it,
I'm left with the ghost.

I am haunted by yesterday,
and mistakes that I've made.
I'm saving for a debt,
that can hardly be paid.

Sorry for you who had me,
when I was who I was.
Now that I'm me again,
I am consumed by the cause.

Beginning to realize,
that moment has flown.
There is no one to blame,
the fault is my own.

My eyes finally open,
I took a long look at things.
As life slowly gets better,
my past it still stings.

When will my tired mind,
finally clear of this pain?
When my feelings catch up to the truth,
and I get me a roof,
to protect me from rain.

Mirror

What if you could meet yourself,
What do you think you'd say?
Would you approve of what you say and do,
or see things another way?

One day I was walking down the street,
and I saw a man I thought I knew.
People laughed and whispered as he went,
and most of what they said rang true.

Suddenly I stopped and turned,
to see where he might go.
I followed him for blocks and blocks,
to where I did not know.

Finally he came upon a broken life,
of pain and wasted years.
I watched as opportunity passed him by,
while he was paralyzed by fear.

I went to try and help him up,
with all the promise of the world.
He struggled against my gentle hand,
screaming hysterically about a girl.

I explained it was not what he lost,
that made him feel this way.
It was that which he had never found,
that made his world so grey.

When I told him of tomorrow,
and a life he could not dream.
He told me of his filthy day,
seemingly impossible to clean.

I introduced myself as me,
and where I could be found.
I stole one more familiar glance,
before I left him upon the ground.

One day I got a call from him,
suprised to find that he was I.
We met together at the truth,
now we soar throughout the sky.

Unrequited

I've paved this road on which I ride,
with choices, fears, mistakes and lies.
Through betrayal I carelessly glide,
to decipher the truth I've wearily tried.

To my shattered heart's dismay,
in fields of jagged thorns I play.
I lurch through lonely days of grey,
A fool unto my own dismay.

In many shallow pools I wade,
Just as a pawn I have been played.
All this pain I wish to trade,
But know the nature of that blade.

My yearn to fulfill your every wish,
My love and tender thoughtfulness.
Returned to me as a hookers kiss.
A passionate taste of emptiness.